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| It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food | | |
| The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
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| 
Amazon
The
Amazon rain forest produces more than 20% the world's oxygen supply.
The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that,
more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can
dip fresh water out of the ocean. The volume of water in the Amazon
river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world
combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States.
Antarctica
Antarctica
is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country. Ninety
percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents
seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it
sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert. The average yearly
total precipitation is about two inches Although covered with ice (all
but 0.4% of it, i.e.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet,
with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.
Brazil
Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.
Canada
Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village."
Chicago
Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.
Damascus, Syria
Damascus,
Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was
founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in
existence.
Istanbul, Turkey
Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents.
New York City
The
term "The Big Apple" was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930's
who used the slang expression "apple" for any town or city. Therefore,
to play New York City is to play the big time - The Big Apple. There
are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland; more Italians
in New York City than in Rome, Italy; and more Jews in New York City
than in Tel Aviv, Israel.
S.M.O.M.
The actual smallest
sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta
(S.M.O.M.). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, has an area of
two tennis courts, and as of 2001 has a population of 80, 20 people
less than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international
law, just as the Vatican is.
Texas
The deepest hole ever made in the world is in Texas. It is as deep as 20 empire state buildings but only 3 inches wide.
United States
The
Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must
be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times
of war or other emergencies.
Waterfalls
The water of Angel
Falls (the World's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters).
They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls. | | |
| Now you know everything.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
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| Don't ever talk to me again you stupid bitch. | | |
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